


Some of the Things I Haven't Told You

by RavenpuffWrites



Series: Had To Have High Hopes [12]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Multi, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Parent Tony Stark, Past Character Death, Some angst, Starting with Tony, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Trans Peter Parker, a lot of sappiness I'll be honest, also some fluff?, but the others will come later, it's a series of videos to Peter
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2020-06-26 16:45:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 3,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19772311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RavenpuffWrites/pseuds/RavenpuffWrites
Summary: When words fail, Tony picks up a camera and starts recording a series of videos of all the things he wanted Peter to know, but could never figure out how to say in person.After they find out Peter is Spider-Man, the other Avengers join in creating their own videos of all the things they've left unsaidPart of the "Had To Have High Hopes" series





	1. Tony's Vlog #1

**Author's Note:**

> This video was recorded after Chapter One of Waving Through A Window.

“Hey kid. God, I have no idea what I’m even doing right now with this, or if I’ll ever show it to you. Maybe I’ll just have F.R.I.D.A.Y. delete it as soon as I finish, I don’t know. Pepper would probably say I should just tell you this in person, but I would probably just fuck it up and make you even more anxious about all of this then you already are.

Besides, we’ve only known each other a week. And I don’t even talk about this shit to my friends who I’ve known for years.

Feelings, I mean. Never really talked about them much with Pepper either which is probably why it didn’t work out. Probably for the better though considering we were able to come out of it still as friends.

… I’m getting off track. If you do ever see this I’ll cut that out, no need for you to hear my rambling.

I should just start over. That would be better.”

* * *

“Hey Spider-Kid. It’s me, Tony Stark.

Of course, like you couldn’t tell from the fucking video, goddamnit”

* * *

“Hey, Underoos. You left kind of fast from the tower today and we didn’t get a chance to talk.

Great, now I sound like a fucking voicemail. He’s going to think this isn’t genuine.”

* * *

“Hey Spider-Boy- “

* * *

“-Spiderling-”

* * *

“-Wonder Spider-“

* * *

“Fuck, okay, one more try-”

* * *

“I don’t know if you’ll see this video Peter. But if you do, I hope this isn’t the first time that you hear me say these words.

I know I’m only your mentor but I really want to try and break the cycle of shame, my dad never really did stuff like this and I want to be better than him with that kind of stuff

It feels like it’s been too early to do that now, we’re not there yet.

But there are some things I wanted to say to you so I thought I would try this video and see how it works.

…

You didn’t really give me a chance to respond this afternoon when you left the tower, after you came out to me in what might have been the most panicked way of all time,

…

Though if it makes you feel any better, it wasn’t as bad as when the Avengers all came out to each other. None of us are exactly great with communication and it was even worse back then. But that’s why Road to El Dorado is not part of the movie collection anymore in the tower.”

“I’m really proud of you Peter. More than I can ever put into words. You had absolutely no idea how I would react, and you were terrified, though you would probably deny that,

It’s not easy. Being queer is hard for anyone, let alone a teenager with superpowers.

I really hope no one is giving you shit about this at school. If they are, just let me know and I’ll take care of them.

That goes for anyone who is giving you shit period. I know you said you don’t want to show your powers off in school to help keep your identity hidden, but I have no qualms using my own to keep you safe.

I hope now that you’ve told me you’ll feel more at home in the lab. Feel less nervous around me. All week you’ve been on edge,

I hope it was because of this and not because you’re scared of me or anything.

You’re a good kid, Peter.

And I’m pretty lucky to be your mentor.”


	2. Tony's Vlog #2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This video was recorded directly following "Waving Through A Window" Chapter 2

“Hey kiddo.

I didn’t really mean for these to become a regular thing, but you’re just too damn good at making feel things and the last thing I want to do is scare you off, so I decided at least I can put them here until I get around to telling you on my own.

If you’re watching this in the future, today was the day that you came out to me again. This time as Asexual.

And then you jumped out the window and became a Spider-Pop.

It’s also the day I realized that I was in over my head.

You scared me half to death jumping out of the tower without suit into freezing cold temperatures. My heart is too old to handle this shit kid, it’s like you’re trying to force an early death on me.

I shouldn’t have been so hard on you when you came back inside. I was worried about you,

I can only hope you figured out that I wasn’t really mad.

I knew this before but when I saw you crying today I realized that I didn’t have a fucking clue what I was doing.

My dad was never around. And I didn’t exactly grow up with an abundance of great role models in regards to feelings.

I definitely never planned to be in this position. I never really thought all that much about having kids. Never really understood why that was a dream some people had.

And then you fell asleep against my side and suddenly I understood…

I know you’re not my kid. I’m not your dad.

But for the first time it made sense to me why being in that position was something so many people found rewarding.

…

In case you’re wondering why I’m whispering, it’s because right now you’re still asleep. I can barely see your head sticking out of the pile of blankets you’re wrapped in on the couch.

I thought about waiting until you left, but I wanted to get this down in case I never acknowledged these feelings again.

You are such a good kid, Peter.

I finally understand what parents mean when they say their kids make them want to be better.

It’s an honor and a privilege to be your mentor. In a year from now, maybe we can watch these videos and see how much we have both grown.

I am so proud of you, Underoos.”


	3. Tony's Vlog #3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This video was recorded during Chapter 2 of "Every Sun Doesn't Rise".

“I never thought this video would be something that I would have to make.

I… god kid, I have no idea how I’m supposed to do this. What am I supposed to say to you?

… If you hadn’t run off, I wouldn’t be making this video right now, but you did, and the Capsicles are insistent I give you time so I’m trying to stay busy and figure out what to say

I’m so sorry Peter.

You don’t deserve to go through this. It’s not fair.

No one deserves to have lost this much. Especially not somebody so young.

Your Aunt May was such an incredible woman. She loved you so much, Peter.

Before you started working here, she threatened me with a dozen different things that would happen if you ever got hurt. If I ever did something to break your heart.

After the first time you came out to me, when you came out as bi, she texted me to make sure I wasn’t lying because she was worried it would hurt you if I was.

The second time you came out, as asexual, she showed up to the tower and asked me to go to coffee to talk.

She told me while we were out about what happened with your parents. About what happened with your Uncle Ben.

Made me promise to her that I wasn’t just going to disappear one day from your life because you had already lost too many people. She didn’t want to add another.

…

I know I can’t replace your aunt, Peter. I can’t replace any of your family, and I can’t take away the pain that has been caused by losing them.

I know that I have no fucking idea what I’m doing.

I know that I’m bound to make a million mistakes along the way

No doubt I’ve already made dozens.

I have no idea how to be a father, Peter.

If you see this, then I hope I’ve done an okay job of not fucking it up too bad.”


	4. Tony's Vlog #4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This video was recorded the night following May's funeral.

“Hey kiddo. 

In case you’re watching this in the future, today was the day of your Aunt May’s funeral. 

God Pete, I’m so fucking sorry that you have to go through this again. I can’t even imagine… 

I don’t know what I’m doing making this video. I thought maybe I would magically find the right words to say but here we are hours later and I just, I have nothing.

Maybe Steve was right when he said that we weren’t qualified to raise a kid. Barton is the only one with any amount of experience and he’s miles away with his family. 

I promised May to take care of you. But I have no fucking idea what I’m doing. 

Must be something right considering the fact you fell asleep in my lap. 

Finally. 

You never told me what that nightmare was about but I can guess.

Must be something that comes along with being in the dead parents and parental figures club. 

…

Peter what happened with May wasn’t your fault. It was an accident, and malfunctioning safety equipment.

There was nothing that you could have done to prevent it.

The only thing that resulted from you not being there is the fact that you’re still alive. 

It wasn’t your fault. 

This isn’t one of the bad things that you could have stopped from happening.

Believe me. 

…

I don’t know exactly what’s going to happen next. I’ve never raised a kid. I have no fucking idea what I’m doing. 

Between you and me, it’s maybe the most terrifying idea in the world. 

At least you’re old enough to tell me if I fuck up. So long as I don’t fuck you up though I think we’ll do pretty okay. 

Better than my dad did at least. 

… 

There’s still tear tracks on your face. I can still hear the sound of you crying, sobbing in the footage from your suit after the fire. Crying as you told me you didn’t know what you would do next, and when I promised you that we would figure it out together.

I meant that Peter. I hope you know that. I meant every word that I said. 

You’re not alone. 

I’ve got you. 

And everything is going to be okay. You  _ will  _ make it through this kiddo. I know you will.

_ Cause I will stand by you. I will help you through. When you’ve done all you can do, and you can’t cope.  _

_ I will dry your eyes. I will fight your fights. I will hold you tight. And I won’t let go.  _

… 

You’re going to be okay, kid. 

You’re going to be okay. 


	5. Tony's Vlog #5

“A funny thing happened today, Peter. I don’t know if you’ll even remember this. I think you must have been talking in your sleep, or else just on the edge of consciousness because you didn’t seem aware you were saying it at all. I might not have caught it all under different circumstances, but you were just stabbed only a few hours ago, and I was, am still, trying to calm down from the panic of seeing you covered in blood and so every single sense seems to be more on alert than normal.

Just in case you need something, just in case you need someone to be there. 

When the adrenaline finally wore off and you crashed, I thought you were out cold. 

Maybe it’s why I felt brave enough finally to tuck you in, to step across the line I’ve been trying to stay away from, so that it would never seem like I was trying to come along and take May’s place. 

You spoke, and for a few horrible seconds I had thought I’d overstepped, and you were about to be mad at me. 

Then you said something else, 

_ “Love you, dad.”  _

Kid if you didn’t come close to giving me a heart attack earlier, you certainly did just then. 

_ Dad.  _

I know you probably didn’t mean to let it slip out. After all, you were asleep. 

It wasn’t something meant for me to hear. Not yet. 

But kiddo, I hope by the time you see this, I hope you’ve come to realize I’m more than okay with you calling me dad. 

If that’s something that makes you feel comfortable, I mean. If it’s something you want to do. 

Because believe it not Peter, I see you as my son. 

From the first time we worked together in my lab I knew I was in over my head when it came to you, though I’m sure I would deny it to the ends of the earth then if someone had asked. 

I definitely laughed it off when Pepper accused me of seeing you as my son. First Pepper, then Rhodey, even your Aunt May got this look the day after you came out to me as Ace, and she came to the tower to have tea, she got this look when I started to talk about you and that’s when she made me promise to not walk out of your life. 

I’ve always had problems letting people get close to me, but kid you wormed your way straight into my heart before I knew what was happening. 

The first time I called you my kid was standing in the principal’s office the day after May died, when I was fighting for the right to take care of you. 

Peter, in my head you’ve been my kid ever since then, but I was too scared of chasing you off to tell you. 

Must still be if I’m making this vlog instead of saying it to your face. 

If you hung around the Avengers more, you would probably hear it. 

I don’t know how many times I argued with Steve in those first few days about having you here because he was worried about the fact none of us knew what we were doing. The minute I told him that you were my kid, and I couldn’t just leave you out to the wolves because you were mine, 

I think that’s when he started to understand. 

I’m half convinced the bird brain twins don’t know your name with how often they just refer to you as “Tony’s kid” in conversations. 

But I never brought it up to you because I didn’t want you to feel like I was overstepping boundaries. 

I still won’t bring it up. 

Not until you’re ready. 

Because no matter what you call me, I’ll still be your dad. Or at least, you’ll still be my kid. 

Always.

I love you 3000, Peter.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know why exactly this chapter made me cry, but it definitely did.


	6. Tony's Vlog #6

“Hey kiddo, 

With everything that is going on, I almost forgot what today is. If it hadn’t been for FRIDAY’s reminders, I probably would have. Luckily past me thought ahead and knew that future me would forget.

Technically, the day hasn’t even started, so I haven’t forgotten yet. 

But I wonder if you have. 

I don’t know, is this a day that people typically celebrate? For me it was always a turning point in my life, a before and an after. But then again, sometimes it feels like becoming Iron Man was the first real good I ever did in the world. 

Today’s the first day you ever went out as Spider-Man, Peter. 

You weren’t on my radar then, but you were on the radar of a dozen other people. Mostly the police, who were worried about you being another masked criminal until they realized your only intention was ever to help other people.

I don’t… know how long ago before this the bite was. I mean, I can take a guess based on certain events but… 

That's not really the point. 

You didn’t become Spider-Man the day you were bitten. 

But you did become him the day you decided to use your powers to help others. 

You’ve been doing that a whole year now, Peter. 

Did you ever think when this all started out it would end up like this? 

I can’t imagine you did. 

I certainly didn’t, the first time I went out in my red and gold suit. 

Of course, you’ve done so much good in your first year, more than I could ever hope to manage in a lifetime. 

Guess that’s part of being the people’s hero. 

I know sometimes that you doubt if what you’re doing is really worth it. You think you should be fighting bigger problems, bigger villains. You’ve told me before, you don’t feel like you’re doing  _ enough.  _

The people who lives you have saved, who feel safer every time they see you swinging through the neighborhood. 

I think they would argue you do more than enough every single day that you’re out there. 

We all have people who look up to us, Peter. Every one of the Avengers has their own fanbase, we all have people who look up to us. 

But none of us have come even close to having the amount of support and love that you, kiddo. The people of Queens? Kiddo they love the hell out of you.

I’m pretty sure most of them would die for you, which I know is probably something you don’t want to hear but it’s true. 

Spider-Man means the world to Queens. 

For good reason. 

When we first met, I told you that I had been watching what you were doing for quite some time. I wanted to make sure, before I brought you on, that you were doing this whole superhero for all the right reasons.

Over and over again, Peter, you have proven to me that you are. 

And I’m so fucking proud of you. 

So much has happened to you, especially in this last year alone. You had every right to shut down, shut out, and stop believing in the good of the world. 

But you never have. You keep facing every day like you truly believe there is good somewhere in every single person you meet. 

It’s incredible, Peter.

You’re incredible. There has never been a better superhero than you. You understand more than any of us what this job truly means. 

It’s been one year. And you have so many left to go. So much good left that you’ll do. 

And I know that your parents, your Aunt May and Uncle Ben, 

They would all be as proud of you as I am. 

Happy Spidey-versary, kiddo.”


End file.
